E
ERIC1
Guest
hottweelz said:[Mr Mespock's Classroom]
MR. Mespock: You see kids, Joey was what is referred to as "bi-curious".
Kyle puts his hand up.
MR. Mespock: Yes Kyle?
KYLE: What does that mean?
Mr. Mespock takes off his glasses and lays them on the table.
MR. Mespock: You see, children--
Mr. Hat whispers something to Mr. Mespock.
MR. Mespock: OK then, Mr. Hat, you can tell them.
MR. HAT: Well kids, Joey liked girls, just like anyone else.
KYLE: I don't like girls Mr. Mespock!
MR. Mespock: Well you should you little poopie-poker! You may now continue, Mr. Hat.
MR. HAT: But Joey ALSO thought he liked men.
STAN: But we're all friends, we like each other, and we're men!
MR. Mespock: I think Mr Hat means sexua--
CARTMAN: Mr. Mespock, I need to go to the bathroom.
MR. Mespock: Well, Eric, you can wait until the lesson is over, and go down on the bell.
Mr. Mespock starts laughing his head off.
MR. Mespock: Go down on the bell! HAHAHA! Go down....ON THE BELL!!! HAHAHA!!!
The class stares at him. Principal Victoria walks into the classroom.
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: Mr Mespock, I have some disturbing news for you and your class.
CARTMAN: Oh, what's it going to be this time? A quarter is missing? A book is missing?
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: A pupil is MISSING!
MR. Mespock: Oh, that's terrible, isn't it Mr Hat?
Mr. Hat is nowhere to be seen.
MR. Mespock: Mr Hat???
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: I don't mean to alarm anyone but the pupil's name is Clyde.
The class all gasp except for Cartman.
CARTMAN: That's OK, I didn't really like Clyde.
KYLE: That's not nice, Cartman!
STAN: Yeah dude, Clyde was always nice to you, he was an innocent, and he never made any comments about your butt eclipsing the sun!
CARTMAN: AY!
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: It seems that he was out on a mountain trek, and he got separated from the group. Because of this, the school, in all it's great responsibility and sensible knowledge, is going to send all of you kids on a search party to find him!
CARTMAN: WHAT?!?!?!?
STAN: Dude, they can't do that! That's irresponsible.
PRINCIPALl VICTORIA: Mr Mespock will be coming with you, and--
KYLE: Do we not have a choice?
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: Of course you have a choice! You can either come with us up to the top of Mt. Rectum...
[Laughter]
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: ...or you can stay here with another teacher and do math!
STAN: No way dude, I'm going to help Clyde!
KYLE: Yeah, me too!
KENNY: {Let's climb that f*cking mountain!}
KYLE: You said it Kenny!
CARTMAN: Math ain't so bad...
[Outside South Park Elementary]
Big line of kids.
KYLE: So you decided to come with us then?
CARTMAN: Yeah, I decided it was the right thing, morally, to do.
KYLE: No you didn't! You found out that Mr Jilbit was gonna teach you math on your own!
CARTMAN: Well can you blame me? I can't STAND that voice...mmkay?
[Laughter]
The SP bus pulls up, with some kids in it.
MRS. CRABTREE (to kids in bus): GET OUT!!
The kids get out.
MRS. CRABTREE (to kids in line): GET IN!!
MR. Mespock: Mrs Crabtree, do you think you could be a little less noisy?
MRS. CRABTREE: WHAT DID YOU SAY??
MR. Mespock: Umm...I said, er...dirt....is very...umm...soily!
MRS. CRABTREE: Well yes it certainly is!
MR. Mespock: Phew!
Bus drives away.
[Bottom of Mt. Rectum]
MR. Mespock: OK kids, this is - and I don't want any laughing - Mt. Rectum.
[Laughter]
MR. Mespock: I said no laughing dammit!
Kids are silent.
MR. Mespock: I don't know what Clyde's problem is - I'd looooove to be lost in a rectum.
[Gasp from kids]
Mr. Mespock clears his throat.
KYLE: Mr Mespock, can we stop wasting time now, and go look for Clyde?
MR. Mespock: Oh, Kyle, I suppose so. I'm just going to the men's room.
STAN: OK dude, let's go!
SOME ADVENTURER GUY: Wait, kids! You'll need your trusty backpack, filled with lots of goodies which I think you'll need up on THAT mountain there!
Some Adventurer Guy hands over backpacks.
STAN: Thanks dude!
KYLE: Great. Can we go now?
SOME ADVENTURER GUY: Yeah, sure kids. Remember to use the flares if you get lost!
KYLE: What? You're not coming with us?
SOME ADVENTURER GUY: No, your school can't afford a supervisor. Have a great climb!
STAN: Dude, this is pretty f*cked up right here!
[Mountain Path]
The 4 kids are alone, walking a winding and ascending path.
CARTMAN: Oh, I can't wait to get home and eat some pie...
KENNY: {You fat f*ck!}
CARTMAN: AY! At least I can afford to eat, Kenny! Not like you, you ghetto-dwelling garbage-eating piece of crap, living in your pisshole of a carboard box you call a house!
KENNY: {You fat f*ck!}
CARTMAN: AY!!!!!!!!!!!
STAN: Quiet, dude! I think I can hear something.
CARTMAN: It sounds like....footsteps.
KYLE: I bet it's an armed robber!
CARTMAN: You have an over-active imagination!
KYLE: No, seriously! Used to happen all of the time in the old days.
CARTMAN: They're getting closer!
STAN: Dude! I can see it, sort of. Brown hat...blond hair...bowtie...
KYLE: Pip?
Pip appears from round the corner.
PIP: Greetings, gentlemen. Top of the morning and all of that!
KYLE: Pip? What are you doing here?
PIP: Well, I appear to be lost as well.
CARTMAN: How come you're on your own?
PIP: Well, nobody seemed to want to form a group with me, or invite me into their's, so I made one of my own. Unfortunately nobody wanted to--
CARTMAN: Yeah we get the idea, Pip. Now where did you come from?
PIP: Up there and to the left. You'll find I left my provisions up there while I went to find help...gentlemen?
Cartman, Kenny, Stan and Kyle are nowhere to be seen.
PIP: Oh blast.
[Kids are munching at Pip's provisions]
CARTMAN (with mouth full): Well, kiiiiiiick ass!
KYLE: Yeah, a picnic!
KENNY: {Gimme some of that!}
CARTMAN: No, Kenny, you poor sonofabitch! Don't touch what you can't afford, Kenny!
STAN: Dude! Give Kenny some of your food!
CARTMAN: Kenny's not getting any of MY food. If you want to be charitable, then YOU can donate some of YOUR meal to Kenny!
STAN: Sorry, Kenny. Cartman's being really mean!
KYLE: But you're not getting any of my food.
STAN: Or mine. Sorry, Kenny dude.
KENNY: {Mean f*ckers!}
STAN: But wait a minute dude, we've only been lost for like one hour!
KYLE: So?
STAN: Well we're not really lost - we just came from down there!
CARTMAN (with mouth full): So?
STAN: So why are we eating our provisions now?
[The other kids stop eating]
KYLE: Dude, you don't seriously think we're actually here to look for Clyde, do you? STAN (unsure): Er, no. Of course not!
dude wtf are you that bored?
When I get on it, the whole world will see!
