LEBOWSKI: Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you?
DUDE: Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together-
LEBOWSKI: You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in?
DUDE: Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to--
LEBOWSKI: I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes?
DUDE: So you know they were trying to piss on your rug--
LEBOWSKI: Did I urinate on your rug?
DUDE: You mean, did you personally come and pee on my--
LEBOWSKI: Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug?
DUDE: Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug--
LEBOWSKI: Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the--
DUDE: Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just--
LEBOWSKI: You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski?
DUDE: Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing--
LEBOWSKI: Are you employed, sir?
DUDE: Employed?
LEBOWSKI: You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday.
DUDE: Is this a--what day is this?
LEBOWSKI: But I do work, so if you don't mind--
DUDE: No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes--
LEBOWSKI: My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can.
DUDE: Ah :q:q:q:q it.
LEBOWSKI: Sure! :q:q:q:q it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything!
BRANDT: How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?
DUDE: Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house.