Résumé

JoshMcMadMac

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RESUME:

George W. Bush

The White House

USA EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY:
-I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.

-I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use.

-By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE:
-I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.

-I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
-I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

-I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas.

-I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

-With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected Governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
-I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

- During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

-I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

-I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

-With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
-I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

-I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

-I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

-I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

-I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

-I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period

-I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.

-In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend has continued for the majority of my time in office.

-I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history.

-My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

-I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

-I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

-My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.

-My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

-I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.

- More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

-I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

-I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

-I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

-I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.

-I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.

-I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history

-I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

-I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

-I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

-I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

-I set the record for fewest number of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

-I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period.

-After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

-I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

-I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

-I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.

-I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in wartime.

-In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq, and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

-I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

-I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.

-I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
-All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

-All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

-All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
 
Looks like you went to Michael Moorer's movie? If the post wasn't so funny, it'd be hilarious. I am still looking forward to seeing Kerry's divorce records!

Bush will win by 4 points. I am only telling you this now so you have the next 3 months to prepare yourself. I don't want it to come as a shock.

Whatever happened to the 3 million jobs that Kerry was whining about only 2 months ago? Oh, I know, the truth came out that another 1.5 million have already been added back. What you guys seem to forget is that 9/11 caused the loss of most of the jobs. That and the internet bubble which created lots and lots of paper millionaires.

During the CLinton years, everybody was taught about easy money and decided to live their lives above and beyond their means. That is why you see the bankruptcies and foreclosures. That and the change in the bankruptcies laws have encouraged people to "file early" to take advantage of the less strict laws now on the books.

I could go through that "thesis" line by line and debunk everything in it.
 
MonsterMark said:
Looks like you went to Michael Moorer's movie? If the post wasn't so funny, it'd be hilarious. I am still looking forward to seeing Kerry's divorce records!

Bush will win by 4 points. I am only telling you this now so you have the next 3 months to prepare yourself. I don't want it to come as a shock.

Whatever happened to the 3 million jobs that Kerry was whining about only 2 months ago? Oh, I know, the truth came out that another 1.5 million have already been added back. What you guys seem to forget is that 9/11 caused the loss of most of the jobs. That and the internet bubble which created lots and lots of paper millionaires.

During the CLinton years, everybody was taught about easy money and decided to live their lives above and beyond their means. That is why you see the bankruptcies and foreclosures. That and the change in the bankruptcies laws have encouraged people to "file early" to take advantage of the less strict laws now on the books.

I could go through that "thesis" line by line and debunk everything in it.

:eek2: I'm in shock. I'm with ya on this one.

It's very few times I see a political opinion I agree w/ 100%.

Pretty funny resume though. :)
 
I couldn't resist piling on... :ban:

Worst president in history?


(The following appeared in the Durham, NC local paper as a letter to the editor.)

Liberals claim President Bush shouldn't have started this war.
They complain about his prosecution of it.
One liberal recently claimed Bush was the worst president in U.S. history.

Let's clear up one point: President Bush didn't start the war on terror.
Try to remember, it was started by terrorists BEFORE 9/11.
Let's look at the "worst" president and mismanagement claims.

FDR led us into World War II.
Germany never attacked us: Japan did.
From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost,
an average of 112,500 per year.

Truman finished that war and started one in Korea.
North Korea never attacked us.
From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost,
an average of 18,333 per year.

John F. Kennedy started the Vietnam conflict in 1962.
Vietnam never attacked us.
Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire.
From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost,
an average of 5,800 per year.

Clinton went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent.
Bosnia never attacked us.
He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing.
Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions.
Over 2,900 lives lost on 9/11.

In the two years since terrorists attacked us,
President Bush has liberated two countries,
crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida,
put nuclear inspectors in Lybia, Iran and North Korea without firing a shot,
captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people.
We lost 600 soldiers, an average of 300 a year.
Bush did all this abroad while not allowing another terrorist attack at home.

Worst president in history? Come on!

The Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking, but...


It took less time to take Iraq
than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound.
That was a 51 day operation.

We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time
than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.

It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard
than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick.

It took less time to take Iraq
than it took to count the votes in Florida!!!!
 
I've always enjoyed political posts on car boards. The key is to keep it non-personal. A good example of that is on Fox. Oh, I know, Fox, the Horror. But on Hannity and Colmes, they go after each but they don't do it in a mean-spirited way. Hopefully this forum can help to increase the thinking on both sides of the aisles.

Keep it clean. Do some :Fand have some fun. No personal attacks and try to keep it as factual as possible (I know that may be impossible for some viewpoints, LOL.). Personal opinions are not only permitted but encouraged.

I agree with the humor in the post. That is why i said it was pretty hilarious. I didn't say truthful. My wife only works a day or so a week and I regret her going to work. She comes home with all the liberal garbage. Bush is taking overtime away from us. Bush is stopping kids from going to nursing school, etc. etc. I have to spend a 1/2 hour debunking each piece planted in her head just to get her back on the right track and to keep her from slitting her wrists with all the misery she is told is around us. Try living in a 3rd world country if you want to see misery. I've been there. Even the lower and middle class in America live like kings compared to the rest of the 3rd world.
 
Wow, I was just dropping it in for a laugh. With as in depth as you can get into the politics and who is the best candidate, it is nice to sit back and laugh at it a little bit. But at least a nice conversation has come of it. :)
 
This "resume" is just another internet exaggeration that has been going around for a while. Snopes.com gives a short explanation and a couple of links for those who actually want to waste their time with it. The resume is very clever, though, because it has so much information on it that most people will just assume it's true. But it's one big, fat, ugly mud pie thrown at the president to make him look bad. How 'bout trying to make Kerry look good instead of making Bush look bad?
 
Josh, thanks for posting that. It pretty much looks like the Democratic platform for the upcoming convention. LOL. No harm intended to you in any way. Thanks for posting it.

Like I said, it was good for a laugh. Both sides can take things to the extreme. That is where the humor comes in. Conspiracy theorists are the best. That is what made Clinton so much fun. Turn around is fair play.

Kbob, I agree with you. I wish I knew at least one thing the Democrats are proprosing to improve things. All anybody who says they are voting for Kerry says is that they hate Bush. I just want to see something of substance instead of the hate mongering. Then we can have a discussion on the merits.


JoshMcMadMac said:
Wow, I was just dropping it in for a laugh. With as in depth as you can get into the politics and who is the best candidate, it is nice to sit back and laugh at it a little bit. But at least a nice conversation has come of it. :)
 
Kbob said:
This "resume" is just another internet exaggeration that has been going around for a while. Snopes.com gives a short explanation and a couple of links for those who actually want to waste their time with it. The resume is very clever, though, because it has so much information on it that most people will just assume it's true. But it's one big, fat, ugly mud pie thrown at the president to make him look bad. How 'bout trying to make Kerry look good instead of making Bush look bad?
You guys make me want to put warnings on some of this stuff! It's in "The Bar" and not in "Politics & Current Events" for a reason. Everyone relax, I have my own personal opinion about the election too. I just don't care to share it. If you can not deduce that this "résumé" is a joke and contains misinformation, I am truly appologetic...if you decide to vote. I'd hate to think our next leader would be chosen by ignoramuses that can't tell fact from fiction.
 
JoshMcMadMac said:
... I'd hate to think our next leader would be chosen by ignoramuses that can't tell fact from fiction.

How true, very true... from BOTH 'sides'.
 
Hey Josh, this thread may have been moved, then, cause this is the politics forum. Don't think that I don't love a good joke at Bush's expense. Watching SNL right after Bush was elected, Will Farrell was playing Bush and he was hilarious. He'd say with a straight face: "compassionate conservatism", then crack up. Then he'd say: "Dick Cheney", then he'd crack up again and say "I just said Dick". You just had to be there, but take my word for it, it was a riot.
 
Truman finished that war and started one in Korea.
North Korea never attacked us.
From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost,
an average of 18,333 per year.
This is untrue.... North Korea started the war by attacking S. Korea. Truman didn't start the war there. You could say we carried on the Korean war. Essentialy we joined in to help S. Korea, and to prevent the "spread" of Communism, the same reason we joined in Vietnam...
 
I moved the post because I thought it would be more appropriate in the politics section because I didn't know it was posted as comic relief until I emailed Josh. If you guys would like it moved back to the BAR and have some posts removed, let me know. I wouldn't mind seeing a thread consisting of lots of politcal comedy. Some of the cartoonists are really great at taking serious subjects and playing with them. So, however you guys feel, let me know. This site is all the members that choose to participate here. Ask and within reason, you shall receive. Thank you.
 
So who would drive a Lincoln or a Cadillac
Bush? Kerry?

But if you are the president you don't get to drive. :steering: Always someone doing it for you. I wander if Bush pardoned his driving records from Texas LOL.​

Ok here we go Bush vs Kerry in a 1/4 mile. I think Bush might have the edge here. Something tells me that he's had some wild times as a youth.

Remember all the trouble his daughters use to get into when he first became president! Party Animals - and I am not talking about Political Parties.

I bet they have a good time at the Republican convention.
 
Either way this is going to be a very sensitive election. More than I am used to (which does not say too much im only 22). Bush seems to be quite intent on his beliefs and is not swayed by anyone even if it is stepping on some toes. It seems as though he may have stepped on some toes.

Remember there are two things you should never bring up in casual conversation

religion, and politics

(that last part was a sarcastic joke and lesson for me with the girlfriends family that involved yelling and unpleastantaries)

oh yeah and i made up a new word. unpleasantaries
 
I hate politics just for this reason. Every war we've ever engaged in has either been over religion or political beliefs. So lets see, no religion + no politics = no war


BTW The presidential limo has always been Cadillac

mespock said:
So who would drive a Lincoln or a Cadillac
Bush? Kerry?

But if you are the president you don't get to drive. :steering: Always someone doing it for you. I wander if Bush pardoned his driving records from Texas LOL.​
 
driller said:
... and looking a lot better than Chelsea ever did! :ban
:D :D :D

bush_daughters_priceless.jpg
 
92 Arizona Towncar said:
This is untrue.... North Korea started the war by attacking S. Korea. Truman didn't start the war there. You could say we carried on the Korean war. Essentialy we joined in to help S. Korea, and to prevent the "spread" of Communism, the same reason we joined in Vietnam...
A lot more than that is wrong, man. Have you read any of the rest of the post? It's a joke. :p
 
Kbob said:
Hey Josh, this thread may have been moved, then, cause this is the politics forum. Don't think that I don't love a good joke at Bush's expense. Watching SNL right after Bush was elected, Will Farrell was playing Bush and he was hilarious. He'd say with a straight face: "compassionate conservatism", then crack up. Then he'd say: "Dick Cheney", then he'd crack up again and say "I just said Dick". You just had to be there, but take my word for it, it was a riot.
Yea, it got moved. Not a problem. I just didn't want anyone getting their panties in a bunch over a joke. I think it has moved on from just a joke, and opened some decent conversation, so this forum is better suited for it now.


MonsterMark said:
I moved the post because I thought it would be more appropriate in the politics section because I didn't know it was posted as comic relief until I emailed Josh. If you guys would like it moved back to the BAR and have some posts removed, let me know. I wouldn't mind seeing a thread consisting of lots of politcal comedy. Some of the cartoonists are really great at taking serious subjects and playing with them. So, however you guys feel, let me know. This site is all the members that choose to participate here. Ask and within reason, you shall receive. Thank you.
Like I said above, I think it has moved on from just a joke, and opened some decent conversation, so this forum is better suited for it now. This has turned into a pretty good talk, and any other "laughable" additions I would greatly enjoy. Thanks for helping to keep things moving along, man.
 

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