Motts
Dedicated LVC Member
lets liven it up a lil bit.. anyone got any favorite jokes they wana share? :Beer :Beer
jokes
- Thread starter Motts
- Start date
This is kinda long...
So two engineers and two accountants from a company are sent on a business conference by train. The two pair meet at the ticket counter and the engineers bet that both of them can ride to the conference with only one ticket. The accountants accept the bet and both pairs get on the train.
The two accountants each take their seat while both of the engineers get into one of the lavatories and close the door. The conductor then comes by and collects the tickets from each of the accountants. He then knocks on the door of the lavatory where the engineers are and says: "ticket please." One of the engineers then sticks his hand out of the door and gives the conductor the ticket. They end up making it to the conference with only one ticket and the accountants lose the bet.
On the way back from the conference the accountants decide that they will do what the engineers did and buy only one ticket. But this time, the engineers bet that they can ride back without buying a ticket at all. The accounts see an opportunity to win back their money so they accept. The two pair get onto the train and the accounts immediately go to one of the lavatories; the engineers get into the lavatory across from the accountants. After a few moments, one of the engineers gets out of his lavatory, goes to the lavatory where the accountants are, knocks on the door and says "ticket please!"
:invasion:
So two engineers and two accountants from a company are sent on a business conference by train. The two pair meet at the ticket counter and the engineers bet that both of them can ride to the conference with only one ticket. The accountants accept the bet and both pairs get on the train.
The two accountants each take their seat while both of the engineers get into one of the lavatories and close the door. The conductor then comes by and collects the tickets from each of the accountants. He then knocks on the door of the lavatory where the engineers are and says: "ticket please." One of the engineers then sticks his hand out of the door and gives the conductor the ticket. They end up making it to the conference with only one ticket and the accountants lose the bet.
On the way back from the conference the accountants decide that they will do what the engineers did and buy only one ticket. But this time, the engineers bet that they can ride back without buying a ticket at all. The accounts see an opportunity to win back their money so they accept. The two pair get onto the train and the accounts immediately go to one of the lavatories; the engineers get into the lavatory across from the accountants. After a few moments, one of the engineers gets out of his lavatory, goes to the lavatory where the accountants are, knocks on the door and says "ticket please!"
:invasion:
I don't have any jokes of my own to share because I can never remember them when some one tells me one. One of my favorite comedians was Mitch Hedberg, who died and untimely death a few months ago. If you have neve seen him perform I strongly suggest renting one of his dvds. Here is a link to some of his jokes:
http://involution.com/mitchquotes.php
:eek2:
http://involution.com/mitchquotes.php
:eek2:
ambisonics
Active LVC Member
Hawk03 said:
Mitch Hedberg's stand up is awesome. I never really listened to him until he passed, but man his one liners are the best!
I'm a big fan of Dimitri Martin. Anyways, I have a pretty good joke from an email.
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day While they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly Jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day While they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly Jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
