I want a divorce!

MonsterMark

MonsterMark

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I want a DIVORCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way.

Here is a model dissolution agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy!

Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.

You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.

You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens.

We'll keep the hockey moms and rednecks.

We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

You can have the peaceniks and war protestors.

When our allies or way of life are under assault, we'll provide them job security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values..

You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain.

You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars.
You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors.
We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.

We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem.
I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty its best shot. Since it often so offends you we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other like minded patriots, and if you do not agree, just hit delete and hang on. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall.
law student and an American

P.S. Also, we'll throw in Barbra Streisand and Jane Fonda, and we'll gladly put prayer back in our schools!


:D :D :D
It's sooo true it hurts.
 
Dear Red States,

We're ticked off and we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country, and we're taking all the Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Ohio, Virginia, Colorado, New Mexico and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get WalMart.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 90 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, the best beef, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Rocky Mountain National Park and Yosemite, thank you.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

(somewhat edited to update...)

I will be quite happy with the divorce terms thank you...;)
 
Classic liberal economic thinking.
You honestly think these things are static.

I know this is a joking thread, but you honestly don't get it. You won't have ANY venture capitol or business in this situation, because NO ONE WOULD STAY. In an unchecked "blue" country, success would be so heavily penalized, all innovation and ambition would leave.

You'll be left with a populace of old money, the unambitious, and leaches.
A country that resembles New York City during the Dinkin years, or Detroit any year.

The rest of the points you "made," not only are most of them completely wrong (ie. the best beaches?), but they're the typical liberal, elitist bullcrap that is so toxic right now. The perception that the degenerative NYC/LA culture is superior to the rest of the country. And that someone who attends Harvard is "better" than a graduate of Ole Miss.

Some of the dumbest people I know went to Ivy league schools.
 
Deal.

When to we start splitting it up?

Couldn't help but notice you had to grab all the 'swing' states to make the split 'fair'. :shifty:
 
Damn, I guess this leaves the center with Washington DC. The kids always get screwed in a divorce.
 
MonsterMark said:
Couldn't help but notice you had to grab all the 'swing' states to make the split 'fair'. :shifty:
Click to expand...

She's among those that like to pretend that supporting Obama means you support radical left political policy. And based on that, the far left has won some kind of mandate to ruin, I mean..."rebuild" the country in their imagine.

But, if we want to take this joke any farther, we should realize that the "blue states" aren't blue at all. They just have a couple spots with very dense concentrations. Most of the states aren't all that blue at all.

Why not just let those dark blue metro areas suseed? They have a superiority concept anyway. Why not just cut out the cancer. Why ruin an otherwise beautiful union.
 
Thanks Bob - I'll take the kids... I won't need support or alimony - ;)
 
Cost of Living

Son Of A Bit-ch, Cal---you stole my reply before I could get it out. :( In any case, the folks at the Conservative center of things will quickly be able to control as they see fit, due to the ramp-up in the cost of day-to-day living for those with a Liberal/Secular Progressive turn of thought. Their programs will drive them under in short order!

(Foxy, I'll always be good for a worthwhile meal---but Iron Horse or Schramsberg, please. I won't guarantee Dom Perignon):D

KS
 
Plan B

Mavrick said:
Damn, I guess this leaves the center with Washington DC. The kids always get screwed in a divorce.
Click to expand...

After doing a number of 12oz. lifts during the Super Bowl the kids have decided we’ll take Puerto Rico. Good weather, nice beaches, drinks with little umbrellas in them. We’ll wait here while mom and dad fight it out. Beats the hell out of being stuck between the two of you in DC.
 
KS - since the kids are in Puerto Rico and the ex is licking his... wounds in Alabama (hard to believe he is still so upset about the settlement...), why don't I meet you on Papohaku Beach, Molokai, one of our fabulous beaches - I can bring the picnic basket and the Bud, you can bring the blanket and the suntan lotion....;)
 
Calabrio said:
Classic liberal economic thinking.
You honestly think these things are static.

I know this is a joking thread, but you honestly don't get it. You won't have ANY venture capitol or business in this situation, because NO ONE WOULD STAY. In an unchecked "blue" country, success would be so heavily penalized, all innovation and ambition would leave.

You'll be left with a populace of old money, the unambitious, and leaches.
A country that resembles New York City during the Dinkin years, or Detroit any year.

The rest of the points you "made," not only are most of them completely wrong (ie. the best beaches?), but they're the typical liberal, elitist bullcrap that is so toxic right now. The perception that the degenerative NYC/LA culture is superior to the rest of the country. And that someone who attends Harvard is "better" than a graduate of Ole Miss.

Some of the dumbest people I know went to Ivy league schools.
Click to expand...

Detroit is the reason this website is able to exist, DETROIT ROCKS!!!!!!! Henry Ford.
 
lincolnx2 said:
Your point? This happenes everyday in the "D", this is the reason I know I can make it anywhere in the world, this is what supplies the will for me to make something out of nothing! I take the negative and make it positive. What would you do in this situation? Curl up in the fetal position, and cry for "mommy's titties".
Click to expand...

I wanted to respond to your post...but I have no idea what you're trying to express. But if that happens everyday in the "D"- you can are keep it. But let's make sure the destructive social and government policy that has made Detroit what it is isn't applied in any more places.

But, fowpaws is free to keep the dead guy pop in the divorce.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
lincolnx2 said:
Your point? This happenes everyday in the "D", this is the reason I know I can make it anywhere in the world, this is what supplies the will for me to make something out of nothing! I take the negative and make it positive. What would you do in this situation? Curl up in the fetal position, and cry for "mommy's titties".
Click to expand...

Hey Linc---
Set the day and I'll buy you a Coney at Lafayette!
KenS
 
foxpaws said:
KS - since the kids are in Puerto Rico and the ex is licking his... wounds in Alabama (hard to believe he is still so upset about the settlement...), why don't I meet you on Papohaku Beach, Molokai, one of our fabulous beaches - I can bring the picnic basket and the Bud, you can bring the blanket and the suntan lotion....;)
Click to expand...

Not Bud, Luv---
For a place like that l'll have to bring Dom Perignon.
KS
 
I redeploy in April, my favorite is Kirby's off the Lodge, Damn I miss Coney Island, and White Castle.
 
So Nebr. was 3/5s Who gets what. I hear theres a lib out west that likes buffalo and money. they can have him. Well keep his Buffalo. They taste good and dont want them to goto wast in the blue states.
 
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