Update on 2001 LS problems, failure

GoFar

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Here's something no LS owner has ever countered: total startup failure. Earlier today I went out to eat. 30 minutes later all my lights were on; the foglights and main lights, eventhough the setting for the lights were on the "off" mode. Then I thought maybe it was a minor problem. So I proceeded to start it up. It wouldn't start! It cranked and cranked, and there was still half a tank of gas in it, and the block was not blown. I thought "okay", so I jump started it. Nothing happened.

So I went to test out the hazards. It was blinking 3 times faster then normal, which was odd. The battery was in excellent condition, as was the engine block (V6). I didn't think of trying to test out the radio or anything because I was baffled by what was happening.

Exterior lights on, startup failure, and abnormal hazards (which wasn't corresponding to the lights outside at all). This is impossible! Madness even! My dad helped me and towed it back to the house, and now it sits on the driveway as I type this. Sure there's a Town Car that belongs to me, but I like the LS more.

Yesterday, as a matter of fact, I received a combination of having the E-Brake on (it wasn't on because I was obviously moving forward quite fast), and the door ajar icon (all the doors were shut!). Could this all be some sort of electrical problem? Since the battery and the control panel is in the back, and the fact that there were water tubes from my brother, could the whole module be ruined with water?
 
low battery issues

i've had such crazy things happen to me because the battery is bad or no charged completely. Believe me if that battery is not at top rated voltage, the car goes nuts. Once you get the car started, crazy stuff appears until the battery is fully charged. Once fully charged all problems fade away! I have the 2001 V6 with 145k miles, had this car since new. If it cranks but not start, check fuses in trunk for fuel pump, this one usually blows. Put in new fuse, try to start, if fuse blows you need a new fuel pump. Without cranking engine, turn key to on and listen for fuel pump to spin up, if you hear nothing, check fuses.
 
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My brother took it to work today, so I'm assuming it started up today with no major problems. But I'll have to really see what happened, because I was not in the greatest of moods to diagnose anything yesterday. Once he gets back, I'll try your solution.
 

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