Okay, guys, let's have some fun. Libs, repubs, indys, whatever you are, get in on this. We want everybody to post the funniest quotes of any and all public figures through the years.

The only rule is that it has to be either about politics or from a political figure. Members of the media are included.

Let's all have some multipartisan laughs!

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
David Dinkins, New York City Mayor.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
Hillary Clinton.

" A fool and his money are soon elected " - Wil Rogers

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman-" ~ Bill Clinton

"They said today this will be a life changing experience for President Clinton. And it is, it does change your life. The doctors told him, from now on, lay off the fat, and he said, 'Look, I haven't seen her in years.'" -—Jay Leno

" I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. " - Will Rogers

It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
--Andrew Jackson 7th U.S. President

"When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow".

LBJ (?)

" During my wervice in the United States Congress, I took the iniative in creating the Internet. " - Vice President Al gore

"Let me be very clear about this. Steroids ought to be banned from baseball."— George Bush - Washington, D.C., Oct. 4, 2005

"I think it's important to bring somebody from outside the system, the judicial system, somebody that hasn't been on the bench and, therefore, there's not a lot of opinions for people to look at." —George Bush On the nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court, Washington, D.C., October 4, 2005

"We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job. That's what I'm telling you."—George Bush - Gulfport, Miss., Sept. 20, 2005.

"My thoughts are, we're going to get somebody who knows what they're talking about when it comes to rebuilding cities."—George Bush - On how the rebuilding of New Orleans might commence, Biloxi, Miss., Sept. 2, 2005

"And Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."—George Bush - To FEMA director Mike Brown who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his job performance.—Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005

"Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house—he's lost his entire house—there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch." —George Bush - Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005

"The best place for the facts to be done is by somebody who's spending time investigating it."—George Bush - Expressing hope that the probe into how CIA agent Valerie Plame's identity was leaked will yield answers, Washington D.C., July 18, 2005

"I think younger workers—first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government—promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is."—George Bush - Washington, D.C., May 4, 2005

"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."—George Bush - Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

(and you guys say he's not in on it...lol)

"Well, we've made the decision to defeat the terrorists abroad so we don't have to face them here at home. And when you engage the terrorists abroad, it causes activity and action."—George Bush - Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

(Action and activity here on our soil)

"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way."—George Bush - Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

(Aww...how sweet...George realizes he has to protect the terrorists to keep his job!)

"We look forward to analyzing and working with legislation that will make—it would hope—put a free press's mind at ease that you're not being denied information you shouldn't see."— George Bush - Washington, D.C., April 14, 2005

"I'm going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the Mother in me." —George Bush - Washington D.C., April 14, 2005

"I believe that, as quickly as possible, young cows ought to be allowed to go across our border."—George Bush - Ottawa, Nov. 30, 2004

Soooo...he's prejudiced? He's all for young cows coming in from the north, but not workers coming from the south?

"After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week—we will have an all-volunteer army. Let me restate that."—George Bush - Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."—George Bush - Sept. 6, 2004, Poplar Bluff, Mo.

Obviously loves his namesake...

"Secondly, the tactics of our—as you know, we don't have relationships with Iran. I mean, that's—ever since the late '70s, we have no contacts with them, and we've totally sanctioned them. In other words, there's no sanctions—you can't—we're out of sanctions."—George Bush - Annandale, Va., Aug. 9, 2004

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."—George Bush - Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein."—George Bush - Washington, D.C., May 25, 2004

"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the—the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice."—George Bush - Washington, D.C., Oct. 27, 2003

(Yeah! Damned freedom loving Iraqis!)

"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction."—George Bush - Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003

(Ahh...so we're *not* free...that explains it)

"[W]e've had leaks out of the administrative branch, had leaks out of the legislative branch, and out of the executive branch and the legislative branch, and I've spoken out consistently against them, and I want to know who the leakers are."—George Bush - Chicago, Sept. 30, 2003

Hrmm... I wonder who they could be... Gosh...

"I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves."—George Bush - Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003

Oh...so THAT's why he hasn't got a clue!

" I smoked marijuana but I didn't inhale it or enjoy it "
William Jefferson Clinton

"I'm the master of low expectations."—George Bush - Aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003

"I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things."—George Bush - Aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003

(most of the rest of us wonder and spend a lot of time thinking about it though)

"First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill."—George Bush - Washington, D.C., May 19, 2003

"We've got hundreds of sites to exploit, looking for the chemical and biological weapons that we know Saddam Hussein had prior to our entrance into Iraq."—George Bush - Santa Clara, Calif., May 2, 2003

(hundreds of sites to plant evidence...and none found)

"I know there's a lot of young ladies who are growing up wondering whether or not they can be champs. And they see the championship teams from USC and University of Portland here, girls who worked hard to get to where they are, and they're wondering about the example they're setting. What is life choices about?"—George Bush - Washington, D.C., Feb. 24, 2003

(going the extra mile to once again prove to minorities and women that *ANYONE* can become President of the USA)

"I think the American people—I hope the American–I don't think, let me—I hope the American people trust me."—George Bush - Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2002

Aww...so sad to dash a simple person's hopes...

"I, William Jefferson Clinton, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States"

Bill Clinton, January 20, 1993, 1997

" Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. " - John Galbraith

"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption."—George Bush - Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002

And we all wonder why alternative fuels are so hard to get going

"There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again."—George Bush - Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

Too bad old sayings from Texas aren't always true

"There's no doubt in my mind that we should allow the world worst leaders to hold America hostage, to threaten our peace, to threaten our friends and allies with the world's worst weapons."—George Bush - South Bend, Ind., Sept. 5, 2002

Weapons like incomprehensible speech patterns and bad economic ideologies!

"There's no cave deep enough for America, or dark enough to hide."—George Bush Oklahoma City, Aug. 29, 2002

From George

A lot of presidential memoirs, they say, are dull and self-serving. I hope mine is interesting and self-serving.
William J. Clinton

The 22nd Amendment should probably be modified to say two consecutive terms instead of two terms for a lifetime.
William J. Clinton

"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." - George Bush

"Last year, the vice president launched a new effort to help make communities more liberal."

—Bill Clinton, during his 2000 State of the Union Speech. He meant to say "more livable," and then made the same slip-up in a subsequent sentence, drawing uproarious laughter from Republicans

"I may not have been the greatest president, but I've had the most fun eight years." –Bill Clinton

"I also understand how tender the free enterprise system can be."—George Bush - White House press conference, Washington, D.C., July 9, 2002

Tender and loving...like the soft touch of mama bush...no no...don't hit me mama...not the brush again mama!!!

"If the personal freedoms guaranteed by the Constitution inhibit the government's ability to govern the people, we should look to limit those guarantees."

Bill Clinton

"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."—George Bush - as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

"For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times."—George Bush - Tokyo, Japan, Feb. 18, 2002

Guess he forgot the day that will live in infamy

One thousand billion million trillion...

Oct. 25 2000 JACKSON, Tenn. (Reuters) — Criticizing Bush's Social Security privatization plan at a rally in Tennessee, Gore said, "He is proposing to privatize a big part of Social Security and he's proposing to take $1 trillion, a million billion dollars out of the Social Security trust fund and give it as a tax incentive to young workers."

A trillion is one thousand billion, not a million billion.

"I understand that the unrest in the Middle East creates unrest throughout the region."—George Bush - Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

"One of the interesting initiatives we've taken in Washington, D.C., is we've got these vampire-busting devices. A vampire is a—a cell deal you can plug in the wall to charge your cell phone."—George Bush - Denver, Aug. 14, 2001

"There's a lot of people in the Middle East who are desirous to get into the Mitchell process. And—but first things first. The—these terrorist acts and, you know, the responses have got to end in order for us to get the framework—the groundwork—not framework, the groundwork to discuss a framework for peace, to lay the—all right."—George Bush - Referring to former Sen. George Mitchell's report on Middle East peace, Crawford, Texas, Aug. 13, 2001

''I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I believe is right."—George Bush - Rome, July 22, 2001

"Our nation must come together to unite."—George Bush - Tampa, Fla., June 4, 2001

Unite for unity today!

In case raVeneyes, Fossten and Vitas are wondering, I deleted all posts that did not 'conform' to the spirit of the thread. Much nicer to read now in my opinion. Thank you for your understanding.

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it."—George Bush - Philadelphia, May 14, 2001

We need more fatal shootings NOW! Vote Bush for a higher body count!

"I, William Jefferson Clinton, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States"

Bill Clinton, January 20, 1993, 1997
:bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl:

"I'm in charge now"
Alexander Haig, after Reagan was shot...

"I'm a big, ahh, Red Sox fan. I tell ya'.... Manny Ortez is a great hitter..."- John Kerry. Fvcking idiot :rolleyes:

"You're looking....you're looking at the biggest cheesehead in America today!" -John Kerry

"You said something I didn't say, now shove it!"- Theresa Kerry

"I was soooo exhausted from the campaign that I couldn't even go skiing at our home in the mountains. I just sat and read the whole time" -Theresa Kerry :rolleyes: Moron.

"Temporary guest workers..." - Geroge W. Bush

"There you go... Why don't we just ask Osama Bin La uh Osama Obama uh Obama whats his, since he won by such a big amount." -Ted Kennedy CLIP (http://www.moviesoundclips.net/misc/americanpolitics/kennedy1.wav)

"Hello?....Hello?" - Ted Kennedy CLIP (http://www.moviesoundclips.net/misc/americanpolitics/kennedy2.wav)

"I have to say of course, that there are some things that are current today thats sweeping the country that I haven't had time to get familliar with... Pac-man for example... I asked about it and someone told me it was a round thing that gobbled up money. I thought that was Tip O'neil." - Ronald Regan :D Great one!

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"- Howard Dean

"Vast right-wing conspiracy" - Hillary Clinton

"I invented the Internet" - Al Gore

"Guns kill people like spoons make Rosie O'Donnell fat" -???

"Go f##k yourself!"

to Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy for criticizing Halliburton’s no-bid contracts.

Dick Cheney

(and it's the liberal's that resort to name calling?)

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you. - Wil rogers

Under Democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right. - H. L. Mencken

"Go f##k yourself!"

to Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy for criticizing Halliburton’s no-bid contracts.

Dick Cheney

(and it's the liberal's that resort to name calling?)


Setting aside for the moment that this isn't even remotely funny, you have completely misrepresented what Leahy said, and did, that led to Cheney's well justified retort.

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'." ...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 12/6/93

"If we don´t succeed, we run the risk of failure". George W. Bush

Setting aside for the moment that this isn't even remotely funny, you have completely misrepresented what Leahy said, and did, that led to Cheney's well justified retort.


I'm sorry, I should of posted some asinine comment from B. Clinton, H. Clinton or Kerry I'm sure you would of found that funny.

I misrepresented what Leahy said? I said he criticized Cheney, if you know exactly what happened, please do tell.

I'm sorry, I should of posted some asinine comment from B. Clinton, H. Clinton or Kerry I'm sure you would of found that funny.

I misrepresented what Leahy said? I said he criticized Cheney, if you know exactly what happened, please do tell.

Or perhaps if you'd posted something funny, I would have found it funny.

I'd be happy to tell you what really happened. Leahy had recently launched in the Senate yet another fact challenged diatribe against Halliburton, that favorite punching bag of the left. Then, at a Senate photo session, while Cheney was minding his own business and talking to fellow Republicans, Leahy approached him and began needling him about only talking to Republicans, as if they were old friends. Cheney responded by telling Leahy that he didn't appreciate Leahy's attack on Halliburton, which caused Leahy to launch yet another diatribe, this one about Republicans being Anti-Catholic. And that's when Cheney, who had had enough, told him where to go.

Of course, all the needling and criticism of Cheney and Halliburton was left out of the press accounts at the time, and the fact that Leahy forced his commentary on Cheney during a photo session. Making it appear that Cheney had somehow launched an unprovoked attack on Leahy.

Leahy to his credit, said only afterwords that he thought Cheney must have had a bad day. I think perhaps at that point Leahy realized (correctly) that his behavior had provoked Cheney's remark.

Oh man..................

"It is the responsibility of the citizens to support their government. It is not the responsibility of the government to support its citizens." Grover Cleveland

" Hello Neil and Buzz. I'm talking to you by telephone from the Oval Room at the White House, and this certainly has been the most historic telephone call ever made" Richard Nixon

"My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes." Ronald (MonsterMark) Reagan

"I tried to walk a line between acting lawfully and testifying falsely, but I now realize that I did not fully accomplish that goal." Bill Clinton

"Wow! Brazil is big." —George W. Bush, after being shown a map of Brazil by Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brasilia, Brazil, Nov. 6,

Too Many for GW - I think Raveneyes found these too. (http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushisms.htm)

"America will fund the construction of a modern, maximum security prison. When that prison is completed, detainees at Abu Gharib will be relocated". "Then, with the approval of the Iraqi government, we will demolish the Abu Ghraib prison, as a fitting symbol of Iraq's new beginning", Mr. Bush added.

He mentioned the name "Abu Ghraib" three times in his speech, and every time he managed to mispronounce the word by calling the prison "Abuga Raip", "Abu Gara" and "Abu Garon".


ABUGA RAIP (Abuga Rape), There RB3, is that funny enough for you?

"America will fund the construction of a modern, maximum security prison. When that prison is completed, detainees at Abu Gharib will be relocated". "Then, with the approval of the Iraqi government, we will demolish the Abu Ghraib prison, as a fitting symbol of Iraq's new beginning", Mr. Bush added.

He mentioned the name "Abu Ghraib" three times in his speech, and every time he managed to mispronounce the word by calling the prison "Abuga Raip", "Abu Gara" and "Abu Garon".


ABUGA RAIP (Abuga Rape), There RB3, is that funny enough for you?

You're improving.:D

But Ted Kennedy can top GWB for mispronunciation, as in a recent attempt to introduce Barak Obama at a function. During several attempts to get the name right, he managed to call him Osama Bin Laden.

Now that's funny!