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How men and women change their cars' oil.

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Posted by: Frogman

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the

last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained

vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change $20.00

Coffee $1.00

Total $21.00

================================================== ========

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of

oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a

check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive

home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in

process.

Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.

Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil

filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil

everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in

trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.

Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage

door opener.

18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag

pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole

in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to

gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,

along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer.

28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily

dirt

into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of

ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower

gas.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw

kitty litter on oil spill.

30) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with

oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench

tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood

flow.

38) Beer.

39) Beer.

40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

41) Beer.

42) Lower car from jack stands.

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during

steps 23 - 43.

45) Beer.

46) Test drive car.

47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

48) Car gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00

DUI $2500.00

Impound fee $75.00

Bail $1500.00

Beer $40.00

Total - - $4,165.00

BUT YOU KNOW IT'S A JOB DONE RIGHT !

Posted by: bucketthead

lol

Posted by: pepperman

Posted by: hotrodlincoln93

so very true my friend

Posted by: mark0101

lol

Posted by: Conti94

hahahahahahahahahah

Posted by: mespock

Damn I need a beer and a case of oil! F--k the filter!

Posted by: pepperman

Make it a Killians Rich LOL

Posted by: mrlandyacht

Posted by: a_rome

I dont know If I'm craving a beer or if I am wanting to work on my car. Damn Its only 10:30. I guess I have to wait till 4. MMMMmmm Beeeer arggggghhhh